The Caregiver's Cairn: New Year, New View

Blog by Jane

Greetings one and all...

Happy New Year and welcome back to The Caregiver’s Cairn. I am excited to kick-off the third year of reflections related to the journey of caregiving. Many thanks to those of you who have been frequent visitors to the blog over the past two years. And a warm “hello” to new faces and voices in the crowd. All are welcome! The blog is designed to be a sustaining and empowering guide for caregivers and care receivers. Every month, I’ll encourage you to take a much needed break to reflect on the challenges and the opportunities posed by caregiving. With that brief introduction to the blog, I invite you to pour a cup of coffee or hot tea, curl up in a cozy chair, and take a deep breath. It’s time to chat!

It’s hard to believe another year has come and gone. Today, I wrote “2015” when preparing a check. It’s always an odd sensation to write the date for the first time every year. The first time requires attention and intention—focus. It’s not rote. Consequently, I am mindful of the moment. Aware!

This is a simple example of the opportunities afforded by the advent of a new year. New beginnings get the juices flowing and sharpen the senses. We have a heightened awareness of the present moment. We see life differently. With a new view—a new perspective—we discern things previously unseen. Furthermore, we view the familiar in a different light as well. Consequently, a new view affords the opportunity to make needed and desired course corrections for the coming year. Those intentional changes can transform our experience of life in amazing ways.

At this point, you might be wondering how a new view could benefit caregivers and care receivers. Well, I would like to suggest that a new view can serve to refresh, renew, and rejuvenate those involved in the caregiving journey. We can choose to intentionally shift our focus from the distressing to the sustaining aspects of caregiving. Having been a caregiver for my parents, I realize this is not a simple task. The daunting challenges of caregiving can dominate our field of vision when we focus only on the burdens of caregiving. This myopic view inhibits our ability to see other—perhaps beneficial—aspects of the caring experience.

So, let’s consider some provocative questions about the caregiving experience. What might be seen if we stepped back and looked at the caregiving journey from a different perspective? Instead of focusing on the “to dos” of the day, what if we took the time to focus on the faces of those for whom we care? What if we chose to be present to the moment and to the people in our lives? And if we opted to transform our view of caregiving, how would our journey differ?

I do not profess to have the answers. The answers depend on your particular situation. However, I think the questions are worthy of consideration. I wish someone had posed similar questions to me forty years ago when I was caring for my mom who was terminally ill. As a frightened, inexperienced teenager, I focused on doing things for my mom instead of being with her. I didn’t realize how fleeting life can be. Consequently, I squandered countless opportunities to savor the moment with my mom. Today, as an older and somewhat wiser woman, I lament the limited perspective of my youth during that early chapter of my life. However, I am eternally grateful for the lessons learned along the way.

I see life differently having been a caregiver. I see that life comes with no guarantees. I see that every journey is finite. I see that every moment is sacred. I see that the journey is best when shared. I see that we are called to companion each other. And I see that every day is a new beginning that offers unique challenges and opportunities—and a new view. It’s time to open our minds, our hearts, and our eyes to life. There is so much yet to be seen. Enjoy the view my friends and Happy New Year!

Thanks so much for stopping by today. I invite you to share your perspective on the caregiving journey. Make suggestions. Pose questions. Provide resources. Share your story. Coming together and sharing, we will improve the process for one and all. I look forward to continuing the conversation next month. Til then, blessings to you and yours...Jane W. Barton

Do you have a question for Jane? Please email us at coaarp@aarp.org and we will be in touch soon!

Jane W. Barton, MTS, MASM, CSA is a passionate speaker, writer, and listener. Jane is the founder of Cardinal, LLC, a consulting firm that provides educational programs to assist people in confronting the daunting challenges posed by aging,  serious illness and disability. Jane is well-versed in the areas of grief and bereavement, caregiving, hospice and palliative care, change and transition, and spirituality and health. She presents innovative, transformational programs to community members, healthcare providers, pastoral caregivers, clergy, funeral service providers, and national audiences to improve the experience of people and families challenged by serious, advanced, or terminal illnesses. Previously, Jane served as Director of Education for a hospice and palliative care educational institution. She has also served as a hospice chaplain and bereavement facilitator in hospice and palliative care. Jane is a certified Spiritual Director as well as a Certified Senior Advisor. In a former life, she worked as a financial services representative and an exploration petroleum geologist and manager.