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AARP AARP States Georgia Caregiving

Caregiving through the eyes of a loving wife

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Edith and Wilbert Forehand



For almost a year, Edith Forehand has been the caregiver to her husband of 18 years, Wilbert, who has cancer.

As a caregiver, Edith has learned several valuable lessons about herself. “Being patient with yourself and the person (even if you have to bite your tongue) is necessary,” she said with a smile in her voice. “Listen to what the person is saying—they might be trying to explain something—whether it’s something you’re doing or something you’re saying, always be sure to listen not only with your ears, but it’s also important to be in tune with the person’s body language.” She also thinks it’s important for who is receiving the care to listen to himself/herself, especially if that person is accustomed to being independent.

“It’s also been invaluable for me to be at Wilbert’s doctor’s appointments,” she said. Shortly after her husband began treatment, she realized the importance of making that connection with her husband’s doctor in case she has to relay information on his behalf.

To help reduce the stress of those visits, Edith and Wilbert have devised a simple plan: “Write things down and take your list with you to ask with the doctor—do not become inactive.” Both she and her husband have found themselves in these unfamiliar roles, and keeping the lines of communication open with themselves and their health care professionals has made a difference.

When Edith might feel a little down, she remembers these wise words: “My mother told me to never stop loving. You might say you don’t like what they did or said, but never stop loving.” She also knows that it is ok and often necessary to let others help.

Fortunately, Edith has close friends and family who have an understanding of her role as a caregiver. “Sometimes I don’t need someone to talk, but there are times when I need a person to be my listening post.”

Understanding that her role as a caregiver might take a bit more energy, Edith has found several ways to unwind and reconnect with herself. With a varied musical preference that includes jazz, classical, gospel and country & western, Edith realizes the importance of reconnecting with activities that bring about a sense of well-being—and listening to a variety of genres does just that.

She also likes reading the newspaper and suspense novels. “It is very helpful to release, relate and relax. I can’t be the best for my husband if I’m not at 100 percent.”

Edith continues, “I learn more every day; you are never too old to learn something new. My husband and I both volunteer—he’s a good man—we like to stay active.”

Of her Macon-Bibb volunteer family, Edith says, “The volunteers are there for us—they check in on us. They care about us. I appreciate their love and support. Some of them have sat with him just when I needed to get out. They understand caregiving.”

Whether you have been caregiving for a while or find yourself about to start this vital role, Edith has words of wisdom for all of us.

Please check here for additional information on caregiving:  https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/

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