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Are You Ready for the Holidays? Tips for Difficult Family Conversations

Holidays have always been full of family fun for us, but I’ve also used them as a time to observe how my parents are doing on their own and talk about changes. It can be tough, creating a celebratory mood while also dealing with serious family issues, such as driving, personal care, and finances. Here are my top tips for successful conversation.

Observe before your act - Before you begin a conversation, spend time with loved ones observing and gathering information about your concerns. Then research options for support and care. Never bring up a change unless you have realistic alternatives to offer.

Approach with love, concern and support - Make sure your mind and expectations are in the right place to set the tone. Don't make it a power play. Remember that your role is always to support your loved ones and help them be as independent as possible, for as long as possible — not to take over their lives.

Communicate effectively -


  • Use conversation starters. If you're uncertain how to bring up the subject, try and indirect approach such as discussing an article you read or a friend’s situation.
  • Ask them for input. It's not a one- way conversation; ask how they think you're doing and what adjustments they've thought about.
  • Use "I" statements. Starting sentences with "You need to..." puts people on the defensive. Instead, try "I'm concerned about..."

Above all, enjoy your family, and remember, you’re all on the same team, sharing a common goal: to support your loved ones’ quality of life, health and safety.

Amy Goyer is AARP’s caregiving expert; she lives in Phoenix, where she is caring for her dad, who lives with her. She is the author of AARP’s book, Juggling Life, Work and Caregiving. Follow @amygoyer on Twitter and amygoyer1 on Facebook.

 

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