11 Tips for Caregivers During the Holidays

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For some family caregivers, the holidays can be a joyful time filled with lighter spirits. It feels good to care for loved ones and enjoy being together while celebrating family traditions. However, for many, the holidays also bring added stress. Caregivers are already busy, and the demands of the holiday season increase that workload. Something has to give!

It’s perfectly okay to give yourself a break this year. Here are some tips to help you navigate the holiday season with more joy and less stress.

1. Seek help

The holidays are a perfect time to seek extra help, even if it’s not something you usually do. Just a few hours of assistance can bring significant relief. A concierge or personal assistant can take care of items on your holiday to-do list or handle personal tasks like organizing mail or running errands. You might also hire someone to clean the house or catch up on laundry. It’s also a good opportunity to get some respite — a break from caregiving. Consider using community and state resources like adult day care centers, in-home or facility-based respite care, or paid home health aides and caregivers to provide direct care for your loved ones.

2. Focus on what is most meaningful

While caregivers often aim to create the perfect holiday experience, remember that perfection isn't the goal. It’s truly about meaning and joy. Many factors affecting a loved one's health and abilities are beyond control, so adjust your idea of a “successful” holiday. Talk with your loved ones about what makes the holidays most meaningful for them and for you, and prioritize those activities. Focus on the fewest things needed to evoke holiday feelings and create lasting memories. Your grandmother’s tablecloth, the family menorah, a poinsettia or some candles, along with holiday music and movies, may be enough.

3. Simplify your holiday activities

If going all out for the holidays feels overwhelming, remember it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. If you can’t put up every decoration, choose a few that are most meaningful. You might ask a friend to help or hire someone for the task. You can always rearrange decorations later once someone else has put them up. If attending all religious services seems too much, pick the one that matters most to you. If sending greeting cards takes too much time, try e-greetings or just send cards to a few special people this year. Many family caregivers also change the location of celebrations or delay holiday travel to better accommodate loved ones in their care.

4. Start new traditions

Instead of dwelling on losses and what you or your loved ones can't do, try doing something new. If those you care about have trouble getting around, drive through a holiday light display or catch a holiday concert on TV. If you can’t attend a holiday gathering, have a video chat. Start a home holiday movie night tradition or watch old home movies and cherish the memories. Are your loved ones unable to participate in decorating this year? Turn up the holiday music and invite a friend over to help make it more festive. Your loved ones can be nearby to watch and cheer you on or be surprised by the results.

5. Adjust meals

Food is a big part of many holidays, so it’s especially tough to change traditional mealtime practices. But, meals also need a lot of time, money, and coordination. Instead of canceling holiday meals completely, try making adjustments like these:

· Simplify the menu. Try fewer side dishes or one dessert instead of three. Focus on the dishes that are traditional and give you that holiday feeling.

· Split up the grocery shopping and cooking among other family members and guests. There’s nothing wrong with a potluck.

· Pay someone to cook meals at your house ahead of time or on the holiday.

· Order all or part of your holiday meals to go from a local grocery store or restaurant — either fully cooked or ready for you to cook at home.

· Eat at someone else’s home or at a restaurant.

6. Approach gift giving more efficiently

Gift giving is part of many traditions, but it can be costly and time-consuming. Try shopping online (many online stores also offer gift wrapping). You might ask a friend or relative to do your shopping and wrapping for you, or you can always fall back on gift cards. Family caregivers are often financially stressed, so it might be necessary to lower your gift-giving budget this year and cut back on the number of presents. Give the gift of time or attention, like scheduling outings or helping with a project. If your family is large, draw names and exchange gifts with just one person. Have a regifting exchange, sharing items you already own. Order a photo gift — like a photo mug, pillow, or calendar — or write a meaningful letter that can be enjoyed throughout the year.

7. Anticipate holiday hot buttons

Are there holiday activities or toxic relatives that trigger stress or unhappy memories? Perhaps feelings of grief or loss overpower you at certain times of day. Do unhelpful relatives arrive for the holidays and criticize your caregiving? For some families, lifelong conflicts inevitably flare up at gatherings. It might be best to limit your exposure to — or even avoid — certain places, events, conversations, or people. If you can’t do that, prepare yourself. Minimize the drama, and don’t try to resolve problems during the holidays. Instead, opt for short encounters and develop quick-exit strategies. Mentally, put yourself in a protective bubble, allowing negative energy to bounce off without hurting, annoying, or distressing you.

8. Mind your mindset

Negative thinking triggers your body’s stress response, so redirect your mind toward the positives when you start slipping into that mindset. Practice mindfulness by focusing on the present moment. Focus on what you can achieve instead of what isn’t done; celebrate what your loved ones are able to do rather than dwelling on what they can no longer participate in; enjoy the holiday joys you experience instead of concentrating on those you miss; appreciate the support you receive instead of resenting those who aren’t supportive.

9. Keep self-care at the top of the list

As caregivers, we give and give and give, and during the holidays, we give even more. The holidays can also bring heightened emotions. All that giving can leave you running on empty, with high stress levels or even full-on burnout. Watch out for extreme emotional swings, fatigue, foggy thinking, and an inability to sit still or, conversely, feeling frozen and unable to get anything done, or the urge to escape. Seek counseling or talk to your doctor if you feel depressed or anxious. When we’re busy, it’s easy to let self-care slip just when we need it most. Like our cars, we can’t run on an empty tank, so think about what replenishes you and do more of that. Get plenty of good-quality sleep, and stay active: Walk with loved ones through a decorated shopping mall or dance to holiday music. Enjoy holiday treats in moderation; too many sugary goodies can lead to an energy crash later. Be mindful of unhealthy coping strategies, like overeating or drinking too much. Spend time outside to get some mood-boosting vitamin D from sunlight. Relax with some holiday-scented aromatherapy to soothe your mind and lift your spirits.

10. Connect with other caregivers

While non-caregivers might not understand your feelings, other caregivers are experiencing many of the same emotions you are. Connect with them to share your feelings and get tips for holiday survival. If it’s hard to attend an in-person caregiver support group due to health issues, holiday activities, or weather, try online message boards or social media groups like AARP’s Family Caregiver Discussion Group on Facebook.

11. Create your wish list

Let friends and family know what gifts would — and wouldn’t — be the most helpful and meaningful to you this year. They can give you help with your holiday preparations, such as decorating, wrapping presents, or preparing holiday meals. Any time of year, help with cleaning the house, gardening, organizing, sorting mail, or spending time with loved ones is a wonderful gift. Friends and family can also pay for help if they can’t offer it themselves. If there are practical items you want that would save you time and money, ask for them. If self-care prompts are what you really need, ask for a gift card for a massage, manicure, round of golf, or whatever nurtures you, body and soul. It might be that this year, you just want a listening ear; ask for a supportive phone call once a week.

Remember, you’ll be happier if you go with the flow and expect some delays, a crisis or two, and maybe some disappointments. But along with those challenges, there can be real joy.

The bottom line is that this time is precious. Even if this holiday season doesn’t include all of your family traditions, cherish the moments and create new, meaningful memories you can hold onto forever.