AARP Eye Center
My husband’s mother was “losing it.” She started a fire in her apartment after she forgot to turn off a burner on her stove. She was demanding when a family member would take her grocery shopping and she would insist on using her bundle of coupons for various items, a process that would often take as long as two hours. Her mood was never good. There were several panic trips to the emergency room in the middle of the night.
The three children and their spouses powwowed one cold Sunday in Chicago. There was tension in the meeting as the two resident couples expressed resentment against my husband and me because we lived out of town and, in their minds, weren’t bearing a fare share of the responsibility.
We all agreed that it was time for my husband’s mom to move into a senior facility whether she liked it or not. Telling her was not going to be easy.
At the meeting my husband was elected to break the news. He was the apple of her eye and she generally listened to everything he said.
Without too much effort, my husband, the designated messenger was able to convince his mom to accept her destiny. Almost immediately she turned her attention to how she would decorate her new apartment.
How aging issues are resolved for an elder depends on so many circumstances. Among these are the elder’s personality, the family dynamic, the mental and physical condition of the elder, financial resources, and available support services.
It’s up to the family to figure out what is best for both the caregivers and the recipient. In my husband’s situation, all three family members collectively managed the care of their mother. Each sibling realized his strengths and agreed to offer his abilities to addressing the parent’s needs. My husband’s sister continued to be the primary caregiver; his brother and sister-in-law attended to emergencies since they lived nearby; and my husband and I regularly visited, tried to entertain his mom, and provided counsel on what we felt was her current situation. It wasn’t perfect, but in the end, nobody felt they were shortchanged.
Mimi Pockross Biography
Mimi Pockross has been a freelance writer for more than thirty-five years. She is a graduate of the University of Illinois and Northwestern University. She has published many articles on the arts, education and family and is the author of two books. Her latest book is The Takeover: An Unexpected Caregiver’s Story in which she writes about becoming the primary caregiver for her elderly parents. The mother of two sons and the grandmother of two boys, Mimi lives in Denver and Vail, Colorado with her husband of forty-nine years. She is also the author of Shopping for a Living: A Memoir on Merging Marriage, Motherhood and Merchandising.
The content of this article and the opinions expressed are solely those of Mimi Pockross and do not necessarily reflect those of AARP or any of its affiliates.
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